Being a stepparent

Posted by iChild, January 23, 2019 11:57 AM

By Next Best Thing to Mummy

Nowadays with so many marriages sadly ending in divorce, there are as many stepparents as biological parents. I hope that this post may be a help to anyone going through what can be a difficult time.

Child on step

Being a stepparent to my second husband’s son is one of the hardest things I have done, but it has also been very rewarding.

I already had two sons, aged four and five, when we moved in with my now husband and his eight year old son.

My stepson has never actually called me ‘Mum’, but has on several occasions referred to me as his mum. He is not stupid, he knows that I am not his biological mum; he still sees and has a relationship with his own biological mother, but if ever a person who wasn’t aware of our blended family said something like "go and ask your mum….” he would just ask me without explaining that I wasn’t his mum.

The same thing happened with my sons and their stepdad. Not long after we moved in with my new partner, we took my then four year old son to see the doctor who told him, “go and sit on daddy’s lap". I thought he would tell her that he wasn’t his daddy, or that daddy wasn’t here, but he just walked over and climbed on his knee. It brought a lump to my throat. (I think it was easier for them to go along with it rather than explaining to strangers about our family set-up.)

We had another son together a few years later to build a bond between our other children.

We were extremely fortunate in that all our children got on well together. We had a few minor issues at first over behaviour management as we both felt uneasy about disciplining each others’ children, but we soon worked that out.

I can only remember my step son telling me once that I wasn’t his mother. He apologised the following day when he asked me to help with his homework.

All of our children are grown now. Recently my stepson has had to move back in with his father and myself. At first I was a little unsure about this, but he has honestly not caused any problems.

My middle son is a stepparent to his wife’s son, and they also have two daughters together. At first I will admit that I felt a little concerned about him marrying someone who had a child, as I know firsthand how challenging being a stepparent can be. I am proud to say that he is a wonderful parent to all three of their children. Plus this has given me a step grandson whom I  love as much as my biological grandchildren.

My tips for being a successful step parent are; not to except too much too soon and don’t expect gratitude as the child may actually resent you as their step parent and finally 'don’t sweat the small stuff’ by picking fault about trivial matters.

By Next Best Thing to Mummy

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